Crumpled Up Piece of Paper
by Dracodoodle
Summary: Harry looks back at his relationship with Draco while simultaneously trying to move on. Moving on can be difficult when one remembers things all too well. HP/DM.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling or Taylor Swift so I own nothing but the plot :)

 **Summary:** Draco ended an almost one year relationship with Harry and now Harry is left with nothing but memories that remembers all too well. Based on Taylor Swift's "All Too Well." HP/DM, rated M for future chapters.

 **A/N:** This was meant to be a one shot, but it kind of took on a mind of it's own. So instead it will be a multi-chapter story, 9 chapters in all at this point. This chapter is kind of short, but the next one will be longer. Let me know what you think!

 **Chapter 1**

 _Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, but maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up. Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well._

Harry Potter sat in his favorite chair in his living room, absently staring at the fire and occasionally taking a sip of his glass of firewhisky. This was where he could be found basically every night for the past 46 days. Forty-six: that was the amount of days it had been since Harry's world fell apart, the number of days since Draco Malfoy had walked out of his life and didn't look back. Just thinking about it made Harry's heart feel as though it was breaking all over again, hence the now empty glass in his hand. His third, or was it fourth?, of the night. It didn't much matter what number he was on as it wasn't his first and it wouldn't be his last. Eventually, when he could no longer think properly, he would stumble to bed, take a potion to prevent a hangover, and pass out. Then tomorrow he would do it all again. Lather, rinse, and repeat.

Harry hated that he was so bloody affected by the break-up, but he couldn't seem to shake himself out of the funk it had put him in. He and Draco had been seeing each other close to a year when everything had fallen apart. They had spent the first four or so months shagging on a regular basis, neither willing to admit that there was anything more to their relationship. Once they had admitted their mutual feelings, things had only gotten better. The only downfall to their relationship was that they had agreed to keep it a secret, given their history together. Harry had thought they would eventually go public, but apparently Draco had disagreed. And that was what had ended up being the catalyst of their break-up.

 _46 days ago_

 _Harry and Draco sat at Harry's kitchen table, eating dinner that they had made together. It was an average Wednesday night for the couple, who had taken to spending at least two or three nights during the week together. Draco cleared his throat tentatively. "So," he began, more apprehensive than was characteristic of him. "I was thinking maybe we could go away this weekend, just the two of us. Maybe to Paris or Venice, wherever you want to go really. We could stay at a Muggle hotel, be tourists."_

 _Harry smiled fondly at his boyfriend, touched at the suggestion. "I wish I could, but I promised Ron and Hermione they could take me out to the pub for my birthday since I haven't seen them as much lately. I think they're so excited to have a night out without the baby that they've gone a little overboard. They've invited everyone we know," Harry replied with a chuckle._

 _"I should have figured the great Harry Potter would have plans on his birthday. Silly me," Draco responded with a smirk, his tone light. Harry could tell he was disappointed though. He only reverted to calling Harry things like the "great Harry Potter" and the "Chosen One" when he was upset. It was something of a defense mechanism that once Harry had figured this out no longer caused him to fly off the handle and snap something scathing back._

 _Harry simply rolled his eyes and reached out to give Draco's hand a reassuring squeeze. "We could go the weekend after," he suggested hopefully._

 _Draco shrugged noncommittally. "I suppose, but I wanted to do something special for your actual birthday," he answered, not meeting Harry's eyes._

" _Well then come to the pub with me!" Harry proposed excitedly. He had been looking for an excuse to broach the subject of telling their friends about their relationship, and this seemed like the perfect time. He could even play the "it's my birthday" card if need be._

 _Draco blanched at the idea, the blood draining from his face. "Ha ha, Potter, very funny. Do you want me to be murdered on your birthday?" Draco shot back, his voice not betraying his inner panic._

 _Harry shook his head in amusement. "No one is going to try and murder you if you're there with me, especially on my birthday," he pointed out._

" _You can't be serious about this," Draco said, voice completely void of emotion._

" _Well why not?" Harry demanded, starting to get a little annoyed at Draco's reaction. "It's my birthday, and I want my boyfriend there. Is that such a crime?"_

" _It is when we agreed we would keep this a secret!" Draco exclaimed in dismay._

" _Don't you think it's about time we start telling people about us? It's been almost a year," Harry argued._

" _No! Absolutely bloody not! It's too soon after the war. I was a marked Death Eater, Harry, and you're the Boy Who Lived Twice. There's no way people will understand," Draco retorted, silently pleading the other man to see where he was coming from._

" _Who cares if people understand? I love you, you love me. That's all that should matter!" Harry returned, trying but failing to keep his voice from rising._

" _Easy for you to say! You're not the one who's going to be bombarded with hate mail and probably hexed every time he goes out in public because he's corrupted the bloody savior of the wizarding world!" Draco yelled back._

" _Don't be ridiculous! No one is going to hex you!" At this point, both of them had jumped out of their seats and were screaming at each other._

" _You don't know that! You have no fucking idea what it was like after the war ended. I had to cast a Protego or a Disillusionment whenever I left the bloody house, or I risked bodily harm. I can't go back to that. I just can't, please understand, Harry," Draco pleaded._

" _This all seems like a convenient excuse not to tell people. There's no way to know whether that would happen again. It seems to me that maybe you're just ashamed of me," Harry challenged._

" _How can you even say that?! You know I love you, but I just think it's too soon. We agreed to keep it secret, and things are going so well. Why rock the boat?" Draco asked earnestly._

" _Because this relationship isn't going anywhere if we can't admit to our friends that it's happening! I'm sick of being your dirty little secret, Malfoy," Harry emphasized the last word spitefully._

 _Draco's face fell, and he was silent for a beat as he stared down at the floor. When he raised his eyes to meet Harry's a moment later, they were bright with unshed tears. "I'm sorry you feel that way, but if that's how you feel then I can't do this anymore."_

 _And before Harry even had a chance to respond, Draco had Disapparated out of Harry's house and out of his life, very likely for good._

Harry shook himself out of the memories and growled in frustration. Why did he continue to torture himself by reliving that damn argument every night? He drained the rest of his fifth, or sixth?, firewhisky and threw the crystal glass against the nearest wall. He watched in satisfaction as glittery shards exploded after the impact, landing on the floor, the pieces reminding Harry very much of his broken heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling or Taylor Swift so I own nothing but the plot :)

 **Chapter 2**

 _'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night, we're dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light._

The next day passed much the same as it always did for Harry. He got up, went to work, and returned home to an empty house. On the good days he would force himself to eat something, usually takeaway as he never had the motivation to actually cook anymore. On bad days he would skip eating anything altogether and stick to an all liquid dinner.

Today was a bad day. Harry walked in the door, quickly changed out of his work robes and into his pajamas, and flopped down into his chair. He flicked his wand to reassemble the glass that he had shattered the night before and poured himself a generous amount of firewhisky, which he promptly downed in one large gulp. He refilled his glass and fell into his usual routine of attempting to think about anything other than Draco and quickly giving in to replaying various memories from their time together. He sighed in frustration, trying to delay the inevitable.

Harry downed his second glass of firewhisky and briefly entertained the notion that he should slow down a bit. He knew what he was doing wasn't healthy, but he couldn't seem to care. At some point, he was sure that everything would start to hurt less, and he wouldn't feel the need to attempt to drink his weight in alcohol every night. Time heals all wounds, after all. He was clearly not at this point, however, as one year ago today was the night that he and Draco had run into each other out at a club and the relationship was set into motion. Harry had been in a foul mood all day, and he was sure that his co-workers could tell that something was not right with him. Ron had stopped by and asked him to lunch, and Harry had simply snapped that he was too busy. Ron hadn't even attempted to ask him what was wrong the rest of the day, as he had gotten accustomed to Harry's odd, seemingly unprovoked mood swings. He really did need to work on masking his feelings better. If he didn't start being more careful, he was bound to be ambushed by Hermione to talk about what had been going on. As much as he would love to have someone to vent to, he couldn't bring himself to go against Draco's wishes and out their relationship, even to his two best friends.

As the effects of the alcohol began to kick in, Harry couldn't stop the memories that began to surface in the forefront of his consciousness. He valiantly tried to block them out by downing the rest of his third glass of firewhisky but found he was unsuccessful. And before he knew what was happening, he found himself remembering every detail of the night that he and Draco had met again.

 _One year ago_

 _Harry sat at the bar of his favorite Muggle club, sipping on a glass of whiskey on the rocks. He slowly surveyed the dance floor that was essentially a large group of men grinding on one another at this point in the night. Harry had stumbled upon this club a few years ago before he officially came out in the wizarding world. It was a place that he could be himself when no one knew that he was gay, and he continued to come here every once in awhile when he got overwhelmed with the dating scene in wizarding London. He would never date a Muggle because it would just be too hard to keep such a large part of his life a secret, but that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy a night out once in awhile. There were times when Harry just wanted to be Harry and not The Chosen One to the men that he met. And so here he was, back in the Muggle club, quietly observing, looking for a man to dance with. Preferably a blond, fit man at that. He seemed to have a thing for blonds._

 _Harry ordered another drink and settled back against the bar, casual and relaxed. A few men had come over to talk to him over the past couple of hours, but no one worth his while. He was at the point in his life where he would be happy to meet a hot stranger and fuck him into the mattress, but he was also perfectly content going home alone if no one caught his eye. As he sat revelling in his mild buzz, he considered turning in for the night. That was until someone came up behind him and whispered into his ear, so close his lips almost brushing Harry's ear, "Surprised to see you here, Potter."_

 _Harry tensed in shock and whipped around to face the man, a scathing response on his lips because there was only one person to whom that voice could belong. Whatever response he had had prepared died on his lips when he took in the sight in front of him. It was indeed none other than Draco Malfoy, but that wasn't what gave Harry pause. It was the fact that the man in front of him was drop dead gorgeous. He wasn't sure how he had never noticed it before, but he was tongue tied as he took in the man before him. He was wearing a dark blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the color reflecting in his eyes making them more blue than the normal steely grey. The first two buttons on said shirt were unbuttoned, revealing the top of a pale, toned chest. Malfoy's bottom half was clad in a pair of perfectly fitted jeans that Harry was sure if the man turned around would showcase his arse quite beautifully._

 _Once Harry had thoroughly taken in every detail of the other man's appearance, he raised his gaze to meet Malfoy's. He was unsurprised to see the man in front of him had his signature amused smirk on his face, obviously privy to what exactly was causing Harry's delay in responding to him. "If you read the_ Prophet _you wouldn't be nearly as surprised," Harry quipped, referring to the article that had been front page a few years back announcing the sexuality of the Boy Who Lived. "I am, however, surprised to see you here."_

 _Draco shrugged and raised his glass to his lips, making his throat bob enticingly. "Sometimes it's nice to go somewhere everyone just thinks you have a cool tattoo on your forearm," he responded, his eyes daring Harry to make a derogatory comment._

 _Harry was surprised at how similar their reasons were for being at this particular club. "Or where people just think your lightning bolt shaped scar is a random coincidence and nothing more than an ordinary scar," Harry added on, tipping his drink towards Draco in a mock toast._

 _If Draco was at all thrown off by Harry's statement, he didn't show it. He simply tilted his drink as an imitation of Harry's gesture. "To anonymity," he said with a genuine smile. And Merlin, what a smile it was. Harry wasn't sure that he had ever seen the other man actually smile, and he couldn't help but regret it. The man had an amazing, infectious smile that made his eyes twinkle and the corners of his eyes wrinkle._

 _Harry smiled brightly back. "Hey, Malfoy, let me buy you a drink," he suggested as he watched Draco drain the glass he as holding._

 _Draco regarded him for a minute before responding, "Okay, on two conditions." Harry raised an eyebrow inquisitively, urging the other man to continue. "One, when we have finished the next round, you dance with me. And two, you use my given name."_

 _Harry blinked in surprise, not at all expecting either request, particularly the second one. "Alright, Draco," he began with a smile, enjoying the feel of the blond man's name in his mouth. "But you can't get mad if I step on your feet."_

 _Draco chuckled in response. "I would expect nothing less. I remember the Yule Ball, Harry."_

 _The minute that his name came out of Draco's mouth, Harry knew he was a goner. He had no idea just how far they would take things, but he knew in that minute that he would remember this night for a long time. The look in his eyes, his low, husky voice, the fact that he was using Harry's first name for probably the first time ever: the combination of it all unleashed something deep inside his belly that he had never felt so strongly and so suddenly. It was passion and lust and attraction, but so much more than all of that. It was a feeling that Harry couldn't explain or pinpoint exactly but had known was significant._

 _The pair had ordered another round and finished their drinks between playful banter and small talk about nothing of importance. Harry had been surprised by how comfortable it all felt. He would have expected this to be awkward, given their history. Hell, the last time he had seen the other man was when he spoke in his defence at his Death Eater trial. There was nothing awkward about the conversation, however, and there was even less to complain about when they hit the dance floor. Merlin, could Draco move. He was like pure sex on legs, and Harry had been immediately entranced by him. Time had flown by on the dance floor, and before they knew it, the club was closing._

 _Harry panicked. He wasn't ready for the night to be over and to say goodbye to the gorgeous man next to him, whom he hadn't even gathered the courage to kiss yet. He looked over at Draco who seemed to be stifling a yawn. "Salazar, am I knackered. But also drunk and bloody hungry. Why aren't there any restaurants open at this time of night in this neighborhood?" he asked with a pout._

 _Harry couldn't help the amused look on his face or the words from spilling out of his mouth before his brain had a chance to process them, "Come to mine, and I'll make you food."_

 _Draco's eyes widened almost imperceptibly, but his only comment was, "Keep talking like that, and you may just find yourself on the receiving end of a mindblowing blowjob."_

 _Harry felt himself blush as he pulled the other man into a deserted alley and Apparated them both to his house. He promptly busied himself in the kitchen, trying not to dwell on the blond's comment. "How does eggs, bacon, and toast sound?" he called to Draco, who was looking around the living room._

 _Draco appeared a moment later in the doorway, a goofy grin on his face. "Sounds perfect," he replied._

 _As Harry began to gather the ingredients for their meal, he could hear Draco moving around the kitchen behind him. When he turned around, he couldn't help but burst out laughing. "What in Godric's name are you doing?" he sputtered._

 _The other man stopped moving for a moment and gave Harry an angry look. "I'm dancing! What does it look like I'm doing?" he retorted, crossing his arms over his chest._

 _"Just that, I suppose, but why?" Harry asked, turning back to cast the necessary spells to prepare the food._

 _"Because I wasn't done dancing!" Draco whined with a pout._

 _Harry felt the laughter bubble up once again and tried very hard to not let it leave his mouth, knowing that it would likely upset the blond even more. "Merlin, you are pissed," Harry commented with a small smile. "You're lucky I think it's cute."_

 _With a flick of his wrist, the food flew into the proper cooking accessories and began to cook. As he was making sure everything was where it was supposed to be, he felt Draco press himself against his back. "If you know what's good for you, you'll join me," he breathed, his lips brushing Harry's ear as he talked._

 _Harry moaned quietly and choked out, "Is that so?"_

 _"Oh yes, I'll make it very worth your while," Draco assured him seductively, turning him around so that their chests were pressed together. And then he began to sway his pelvis, making sure that their lower halves were as close as possible. With the first brush of Draco's erection against his, all rational thought left Harry's mind and all he could think about was how to get even closer to the man in front of him. The pair continued to sway to the imaginary music, eyes locked, their lust-filled stares mirrored in the other's eyes._

 _And that was how Harry almost burned their meal. Luckily, he had had the forethought to set a timer for the food, but when the alarm went off, both he and Draco almost jumped out of their skins, so caught up in each other they had been. They had then eaten breakfast at a record pace. When they had both finished, Draco met Harry's eyes with a piercing gaze, his eyes blown wide with lust. "I do believe I owe you a blowjob," he husked, eyes never leaving Harry's as his tongue flicked out to wet his lips._

 _Harry jumped out of his seat, grabbed Draco's arm, and Apparated them straight to Harry's bedroom. It was there that they had shagged each other silly, only going to sleep when the sun was beginning to come up._

Harry had lost count of the glasses of firewhisky that he had consumed a long time ago, but he knew he had drank far too much. He now lay on the couch, too exhausted emotionally and too unsteady on his feet to move to his bedroom. He would regret not moving in the morning, particularly because he would wake up with quite the hangover. He couldn't find himself to care at that moment, however, because Draco was gone. Draco was gone, and he wasn't coming back. Harry had pushed him too far, too fast, and now he had to live with the consequences. And for the first time in 47 days, Harry Potter felt himself dissolve into tears. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling or Taylor Swift so I own nothing but the plot :)

 **Chapter 3**

 _Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it; I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it_

It was less than two weeks later when the ambush that Harry had feared happened. Hermione showed up unannounced one night, shoved a sobering potion down his throat, vanished his glass of firewhisky, and demanded that he tell her what was wrong. He had, of course, denied that anything was wrong, but Hermione wasn't known for being gullible. She had pressed, but Harry had refused to tell her anything. She had eventually sighed in defeat, making it very clear that she didn't believe him. She had then informed him that he was coming out for dinner and drinks at the Leaky Cauldron the following evening to prove how fine he was. He had wanted to argue, but he knew that it would just make her more persistent to find out what had been going on with him.

Which is why he was currently standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom, trying to make his hair cooperate even a little bit and apply some charms to get rid of the dark circles under his eyes that made Harry look so haunted. A moment later, he sighed and resigned himself to a night of fake smiles on his part and thinly veiled looks of concern from Hermione. He glanced in the mirror one last time before Apparating to the Leaky Cauldron.

Harry took a deep breath before opening the door to the pub and entering. It was fairly busy, as it was a Friday night. He surveyed the crowd and easily spotted his friends sitting at a booth in the corner. When he arrived at their table, Hermione jumped up and hugged him enthusiastically. Harry returned the hug and slapped Ron on the back in greeting. "Hey, mate! It's good to see you. You've been so busy at work lately," Ron said cheerfully.

"Yeah, I know, hopefully not for too much longer. It's good to be out," Harry lied, trying to keep his voice light.

Harry slid into the booth and got himself settled. The first few minutes were filled with inconsequential small talk as they picked out their meals. Harry tried his best to stay focussed on his friends, but he couldn't help wishing he had had a drink or two before coming. He had considered it but figured if Hermione realized what he had done, and she would eventually, that he would be in for a lecture. He felt terrible that he needed to be intoxicated to enjoy his best friends' company, but he couldn't help it. He really didn't enjoy much anymore, and he hadn't felt like himself since Draco left.

Much to his relief, once the food came the conversation moved from stilted chitchat to an actual conversation about the baby. This led to a conversation about the rest of the family which morphed into a conversation about work, and before Harry could process what was happening, he was distracted from the ever present sadness. His smiles turned from forced, fake gestures to soothe his friends' worries to genuine smiles and even a couple laughs over an amusing story that Ron told about Rose getting ahold of her Uncle George's wand and making random objects float around the room.

Harry was halfway through his 4th drink when the questions started. He shouldn't have been surprised, but he wasn't anticipating it at that point. He cursed himself for drinking so much with Hermione around. He should have known that she would use his intoxication to her advantage. His guard was down, and he was enjoying the pleasantness of his buzz mixed with his friends' company. So when Hermione asked bluntly, "Alright, Harry, are you ready to tell us what's been going on with you lately?" Instead of replying with his usual denial of anything wrong, he paused for a second, staring down into his glass before answering quietly, not quite trusting his voice, "I just miss him so much."

Harry slowly raised his head to assess his friends' reactions. They had identical looks of poorly concealed surprise on their faces: their wide eyes the only indication that they had even heard him. They were both sitting stock still, and Harry could feel his anxiety building the longer the silence continued. Hermione managed to compose herself first. "I didn't realize you had been seeing anyone," she began tentatively. "What happened?"

"You weren't to know. We had agreed to keep things under wraps, you know the whole Boy Who Lived nonsense. I had suggested he come out for my birthday, it led to an argument, and he left. He just left," Harry explained quickly, his voice cracking slightly at the end.

"Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry," Hermione comforted, reaching out to squeeze his hand reassuringly. "Anyone we know?"

Harry squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the onslaught of memories. He didn't think his voice would work properly in that moment so he simply shook his head. Hermione moved around to his side of the booth and wrapped him in a hug. "That sucks, mate, but it just means he wasn't the one for you, y'know?" Ron piped in awkwardly, clearly not sure how to handle this situation.

Harry felt his heart break all over again at his words, the tears he had been choking back, leaking out of the corners of his eyes. "But what if he was?" he asked in despair, his voice muffled by Hermione's shoulder.

"Oh, Harry," Hermione lamented, rubbing his back soothingly.

After a minute or so Harry could hear Ron and Hermione quietly conversing about something. "Hey, mate, why don't we get out of here? Maybe go back to your place and talk some more?" Ron suggested.

Harry lifted his head from Hermione's shoulder and wiped away his tears with a nod. "Probably for the best."

"'Mione, why don't you guys go. I'll settle the tab," Ron said, sounding somewhat nervous.

Harry narrowed his eyes in suspicion, wondering what his friends were keeping from him. "Great plan, Ron! See you soon!" Hermione replied overly enthusiastically.

Hermione then stood up and arranged herself between Harry and the other side of the pub. Harry didn't know what was going on, but he knew there was something across the room that he wasn't supposed to see. As the pair made their way out of the pub, Harry let Hermione leave the pub first, glancing behind him as he left. And that's when he saw what his friends had so desperately not wanted him to see, although for likely very different reasons than why Harry wished he hadn't seen it. When Harry glanced back, he was met by the steely grey stare of Draco Malfoy, whose eyes were following his every move.

Harry felt his heart drop into his stomach. Why did he have to see Draco for the first time since the break-up tonight of all nights? Why, on the night that he broke down in public for Merlin's sake, did Draco have to be watching him? The train of thought was broken when Hermione grabbed his arm to Apparate them both to his house.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. We were hoping you wouldn't see him. If anything ends up in the _Prophet_ tomorrow, I swear he will face a lot worse than the punch in 3rd year," Hermione growled.

"If something shows up in the _Prophet,_ it won't be because of him," Harry mumbled miserably.

"How can you be so sure?" Hermione asked curiously.

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not able to keep the secret anymore. "It was Draco," was all he could manage.

Hermione looked at him in confusion for a few seconds, before realization dawned. "He was the one you were seeing?" she whispered, eyes wide once again in shock.

Harry nodded in despair, not able to meet her eyes. "Please don't tell Ron. I shouldn't have said anything; he didn't want anyone to know. I just couldn't keep it in anymore," he begged.

Hermione nodded in understanding. "Of course. How long have you been keeping this secret?"

"We were together almost a year," he informed her flatly.

Hermione seemed to be at a loss of words so in lieu of responding, she pulled him back into a hug. After several moments she pulled back and lifted Harry's chin so that they were eye to eye. "Harry, you listen to me, and you listen well. If you two are meant to be, he'll come around. And if he doesn't, then there's someone better out there for you. I just know it," she said fiercely.

Harry let out a breath that he didn't realize he had been holding. "You aren't mad?" he asked quietly.

"Of course not. We've all grown up. Hogwarts was a long time ago, and I'm sure if you decided that Draco was worthy of you then he's a different person than he was back then," she responded matter-of-factly. "Don't expect Ron to be quite so logical if he ever finds out though."

Harry chuckled weakly. "Oh believe me, I know," he said good naturedly, just as there was a crack and Ron appeared in the living room.

"Well you're looking better!" he exclaimed.

Harry gave him a small smile. "Yeah, I think I'm feeling a bit better too. Thank you guys."

"Anytime, Harry," Hermione said affectionately.

The trio spent the next hour or so continuing to catch up. Eventually, it was time for the couple to go home to the baby. Harry walked his friends to the door and bid his goodbyes. When his friends were gone and Harry was left with nothing a quiet, empty house, he realized that, although he still had a long way to go, for a couple hours today he had started to feel like himself again. It wasn't much, but it was progress. He had been starting to believe that he didn't know how to be himself anymore, but maybe he just needed to search a little harder.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling or Taylor Swift so I own nothing but the plot :)

 **Chapter 4**

 _You taught me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me._

It had been two weeks since Harry had had his last drink. After the night at the Leaky Cauldron with Ron and Hermione, he had decided that sulking around his house every night getting pissed wasn't going to solve any problems. He had gone to his friends' for dinner a couple of nights to get himself out of the house, and he had taken to going for a run after work to clear his head. Today, however, had not been a good day. Work had been stressful. Then as Harry was on his way to the atrium of the Ministry, he had almost ran into Draco, quite literally. They both had stopped abruptly when they realized who it was they almost collided with and simply stared at each other for several seconds. Draco had then opened his mouth, seemingly to say something, when Harry panicked and bolted in the opposite direction. He had gone back to his office and waited almost 45 minutes before he deemed it safe to make his way back to the atrium.

Needless to say, by the time Harry got home, he was in a rotten mood. He was starving and physically and emotionally exhausted. The past couple weeks he had actually been cooking fairly regularly, but tonight he was ordering takeaway. And as he waited for his food to be delivered, Harry decided he deserved a drink. That drink turned into several, and before he really realized what was happening, he was drunk. He sat in his favorite chair with his firewhisky, once again, and wallowed.

Harry just couldn't seem to get the look in Draco's eyes from earlier out of his head. It wasn't the shuttered look he so often wore in public, his eyes turning a dark, stormy grey. Instead the eyes that had met his had been a light, expressive silver. They had conveyed his initial surprise at almost running into Harry, and then they had morphed into a different expression altogether. An expression so familiar to him that it made his heart ache. The same expression that Draco had worn when they laid in bed and confessed their feelings for the first time, the same expression Draco had used the first time he had said he loved Harry, and the same expression he had on when he informed Harry he wanted to do something special for his birthday just moments before their break-up. And just like that, Harry found himself lost in a swirl of fond memories.

 _Harry and Draco laid in Harry's bed, naked, Draco's head on Harry's chest, his left arm and leg slung across Harry's body. Harry looked down at the gorgeous man on top of him with fondness, lightly tracing the fading Dark Mark on his arm absentmindedly. They lay in silence for several minutes before Draco broke it by announcing, "I never wanted to take it, you know."_

 _Harry cocked his head in question. "Never wanted what?" he inquired._

" _This stupid, fucking tattoo on my arm given to me by a madman," Draco spit out in disgust._

" _Then why'd you take the Mark?" Harry asked before he could stop himself. He tensed, preparing himself for a scathing reply._

 _Instead Draco sighed and snuggled closer to Harry's chest. "I couldn't let him hurt my mother because of me," he whispered. "My mother was my whole world at that point. She had always been there for me when I was a kid, and Lucius was on one tirade or another. She tried not to show much emotion when Lucius was around, but when we were alone, she would hold me and just make everything better. It didn't matter what had gotten me down, she was always, always there."_

 _Harry felt his throat constrict in sympathy. "I'm so sorry," he replied sadly._

 _Draco lifted his head off of his chest and turned to look at Harry. "What for?"_

" _For not offering you help before it was too late," Harry explained. "For not being able to see past my prejudice and stupid, childish rivalry, to see that you were truly suffering."_

 _Draco chuckled and shook his head. "You really do have quite the Savior complex, don't you?" he pointed out in amusement. "Even if you would have offered help, it doesn't mean that I would have taken it."_

" _But you were going to! I saw you lower your wand when Dumbledore offered you help. If the Death Eaters wouldn't have shown up, you would have accepted it," Harry said with conviction._

" _You were there that night?" Draco asked, his voice full of some unidentified emotion._

" _Yeah, I was below you under the Invisibility Cloak. Dumbledore had cast a spell so I couldn't interfere," Harry explained._

" _I had no idea," Draco muttered in surprise. "You're right though. If we wouldn't have been interrupted, I was going to tell him if he could save my mother that I was in."_

 _Harry tightened the arm that was around the other man in a comforting gesture. He could feel the sadness rolling off him in waves. "He was already dying, you know. He knew that you were meant to kill him, and it didn't matter because he was going to die soon anyway. There was a curse…" Harry explained tentatively. He was surprised to hear a muffled sob and felt something wet hit his chest. He pulled Draco closer and slowly began to rub his back. He felt it was best not to say anything and simply let the other man compose himself._

" _Thank you," Draco choked out after a few minutes._

" _The past doesn't define who we are today, Draco," Harry said sagely, dropping a light kiss on the top of his head._

 _There was a short pause before Draco started tentatively once again, "We're not just shagging, are we?"_

 _Harry felt his heart skip a beat in excitement. He had had that exact realization a couple weeks prior and hadn't been sure how to broach the subject. He hadn't felt like he could just ask the ex-Slytherin out on a proper date. Harry flashed Draco a warm smile when he realized the other man was looking up at him in apprehension. "No, I don't think we are," Harry agreed. "In fact, I've been trying to think of the best way to ask you on a date with the lowest risk of getting hexed for a couple weeks now."_

 _Draco laughed, a genuinely delighted laugh. "I'm offended you still think so low of me," he joked with a pout._

 _Harry chuckled along with him. "It's not that! I just have excellent self-preservation instincts," he teased back._

 _Draco shook his head in amusement before pulling Harry in for a tender kiss. "I would love to go on a date with you," he said with a smile. He paused for a second, biting his lip nervously. "Would it be alright if we kept this to ourselves? I really don't look forward to the public's reaction."_

 _Harry readily nodded in agreement. "Absolutely. Contrary to your beliefs in school, I actually hate being the center of attention. The longer we can keep it out of the paper, the better."_

 _Draco smiled widely, his eyes a soft grey color and brimming with emotion. Harry basked in the other man's admiration. Even after they had met up multiple times to shag, Draco had always kept his emotions behind his protective walls. This, however, was something new and something that Harry thought he could definitely get used to. He pulled Draco's lips to his and slowly slid his tongue along the other man's bottom lip, requesting entrance. Draco's lips parted immediately as he moaned breathily into the kiss. The pair stayed entangled, languidly and passionately kissing for what felt like hours. When they finally pulled away for air, Harry couldn't help the huge smile that appeared on his face. It only grew larger when he met Draco's eyes once again and found that the other man looked just as happy as he did._

Harry felt his heart clench at the memory. Part of him regretted not letting Draco talk earlier, given the familiar look in his eyes, but he knew he made the right choice. At least this way he could pretend it was whatever he wanted it to be. If he would have been fakely civil or overly formal, it would have killed Harry. It was better this way, driving himself crazy with speculation. Sometimes ignorance really could be bliss.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling or Taylor Swift so I own nothing but the plot :)

 **Chapter 5**

 _You call me up again just to break me like a promise. So casually cruel in the name of being honest. I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'cause I remember it all, all, all... too well._

The next day, Harry had a terrible feeling of foreboding that Draco would attempt to seek him out at work so he did what any responsible adult would do: he informed his boss that he was sick and wouldn't be in to work that day. Part of him felt ridiculous going to such lengths to avoid his ex, but he couldn't help it. He just wasn't ready for a confrontation yet. So after a quick breakfast of toast and tea, he allowed himself to crawl back into bed and sleep half the day away.

Harry woke around 1 o'clock that afternoon to yelling from his living. "Harry James Potter, you get down here this instant!" Hermione shrieked.

Harry winced as he dragged himself out of bed. He should have anticipated this, but he hadn't. "Be right down, 'Mione," he called back sleepily. A moment later, he found himself in his living room face-to-face with a very angry Hermione Granger. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"Oh, save the cheekiness," Hermione snapped. "This ends now, Harry Potter! Your drinking has gotten out of control."

Harry blinked in surprise. "What are you talking about?" he asked in confusion.

"I was fine letting you drink yourself into a stupor every night for awhile, but now that it has interfered with your work I simply can't allow it anymore," Hermione informed him sternly. "You just can't call in sick because you're hungover, Harry."

Harry shook his head in bemusement. "I didn't call in sick because I'm hungover," Harry responded, conveniently avoiding why he called off. "And last night was the first time since our night at the Leaky that I drank at all. It had been an awful day at work, and then I ran into Draco when I was trying to leave. I just needed some comfort, but I don't plan on making it an every night thing. I realized that sulking every night wasn't going to help me any. Honest."

Now it was Hermione's turn to blink in surprise, a slight flush rising to her cheeks. "So you're actually sick then?" she asked sheepishly.

"Well, not exactly. It's more of a personal day to avoid Draco," Harry responded with a shrug. "How'd you even know I was out today?"

The flush on Hermione's darkened. "Draco stopped by to inquire about your health as he had been informed you would not be in today when he went looking for you," Hermione explained, not meeting his eyes.

Harry flopped back onto the couch as he felt the blood drain from his face. He had honestly thought he was overreacting by not going to work. He had thought that it was just a bit of wishful thinking by his subconscious that Draco would try to track him down today. How wrong he had been. "Wh-what did you say?" he whispered.

"I told him that as far as I knew you were fine, but I hadn't spoken to you today," she relayed. And then after an uncertain pause, "He looked absolutely awful, Harry. And he...well as he was leaving he asked me to tell you he misses you."

Harry stared down at his hands, clenching his jaw to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. He felt the couch cushion dip as Hermione sat down next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. "Maybe you should just talk to him," she suggested gently. "Maybe it'll help you get closure."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Harry admitted sadly. "I don't want closure, 'Mione, I want him back."

"Well that's not going to happen if you won't talk to him," she pointed out, wrapping an arm around him.

Harry sighed. "I know. If he comes looking for me tomorrow, I'll do my best not to run away," he conceded.

Hermione chuckled. "That's all I can ask. Unfortunately, I have to get back to work. Are you going to be okay?" she inquired in worry.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I'll be okay. Thanks for stopping by."

Hermione pulled him into one last goodbye hug and then made her way to the Floo. After she was gone, Harry laid down on the couch, contemplating what the bloody hell he would say to Draco if he came looking for him the next day.

Several hours later, Harry was in the kitchen making himself dinner when he heard a knock on the front door. He froze, confused as to who could be here. If it was Ron or Hermione, they would have just Flooed or Apparated over, and he couldn't think of anyone else who would be coming over in the middle of the week. He made sure that his wand was tucked into his back pocket as he made his way to the door. He cautiously opened it and was shocked by the sight that greeted him: standing on his front step was none other than Draco Malfoy.

Harry was frozen in shock, and he was sure his face was probably very comical what with his wide eyes and gaping mouth. After a couple seconds, he managed to regain his composure. "Dr-draco...what are you doing here?" he asked, cursing himself that he stuttered on the other man's name.

Draco bit his lip, a habit that Harry knew only manifested when he was very nervous. "I came looking for you at work today, but you weren't in. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Can I come in?"

Harry's heart was beating so quickly that he was afraid that he may go into cardiac arrest so he simply nodded. He figured the less he talked the better. He opened the door all the way and gestured for Draco to come in. "I'm, erm, just making dinner. Are you hungry?" he asked awkwardly, leading the other man into the kitchen.

"No, I've already eaten, but thank you," Draco said formally. "Feel free to eat though."

Harry waved his hand dismissively and stopped the cooking with a wave of his wand. "It can wait." In all honesty, he had completely lost his appetite the moment he had caught sight of the blond. "Tea?" he offered politely.

"Yes, please," Draco answered. "So are you feeling better?"

Harry was glad that his back was turned to Draco so that he didn't see the blush that graced his cheeks. "Yeah. I didn't sleep very well last night and woke up feeling pretty horrible. Slept most of the day, and now I feel much better." Once he felt his blush was under control, he turned back to Draco, handing him his tea with a couple drops of honey and a hint of lemon like he liked it.

Draco nodded his thanks. "That's good. I...I was worried when I heard you were ill," Draco admitted, looking absolutely enthralled with stirring his tea.  
"I appreciate the concern," Harry responded, inwardly cringing at how formal he sounded. He thought he saw Draco wince into his tea, but he could have easily imagined it. After several minutes of uncomfortable silence, Harry couldn't take it anymore. "What are you doing here, Draco?"

Draco finally lifted his eyes to meet Harry's. Hermione hadn't been lying when she said the other man didn't look well. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he just had the look of someone who was running on very little sleep. He set down his tea and began biting his lip once again. "I just...I just fucking miss you, and it's driving me insane. I could ignore it at least somewhat when I didn't see you, but yesterday when you were right in front of me, it all came rushing back," Draco explained in dismay, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

Harry melted at his words. "I miss you too," he choked out, his eyes welling with tears that he was trying desperately not to shed. "I haven't really been doing well."

Draco continued to stare at Harry, his eyes brighter than normal with unshed tears. After a moment's hesitation, he stood and settled himself on Harry's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and burying his face in Harry's shoulder. "I'm so sorry," Draco whispered. "So sorry. I need you, Harry. I love you."

Harry wrapped his arms around the man in his lap, his heart bursting with so many emotions. "I love you too, Draco. My life is hell without you." He then gently lifted Draco's face up to look at him. The blond man's cheeks had a few tears rolling down them. Harry leaned forward and kissed each tear away before covering Draco's lips with his own. For the first time since the night Draco left him, Harry felt whole again. He poured every bit of love and longing into the kiss as he deepened it, sliding his tongue into Draco's mouth.

The kiss continued for several minutes in this manner, tears from both of them mingling on their faces. Eventually, the pair needed to come up for air so Harry pulled back slowly. He gave Draco a tentative smile, cupping both of his cheeks lovingly. "Harry," Draco rasped. "Take me back."

Harry felt his heart skip a beat and his smile widen. In lieu of answering, he leaned in and captured Draco's lips once again. He was so happy in that moment. When he pulled away, he looked up at Draco. "Does this mean we can tell people about us?" he asked, peppering kisses all over the other man's face until he felt Draco stiffen.

Draco paused for a minute before answering, "Haven't you already told everyone?"

Harry noted that this was not really an answer and started to get nervous once again. He shook his head. "Just Hermione," he responded truthfully.

Draco looked surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to out you when you had made it so clear you didn't want anyone to know. Hermione just knows because I had to tell someone, and she was worried that you would tip off the _Prophet_ about my breakdown in the Leaky Cauldron that night," Harry informed him. "So…?"

Draco hesitated again before taking a deep breath to say, "I can't. I just can't risk going back to what I was dealing with after the war." He was looking at Harry beseechingly, obviously hoping that he would understand.

"Aren't I worth the risk?" Harry demanded, starting to get angry that his emotions were getting jerked around. He waited with bated breath for Draco's answer.

"No, you're not." And with those three words, Harry felt his heart break all over again, not sure that he would be able to recover this time around.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling or Taylor Swift so I own nothing but the plot :)

 **A/N:** Short chapter but next one will be longer!

 **Chapter 6**

 _I left my scarf there at your sister's house, and you've still got it in your drawer even now._

The next day, Harry was awoken once again by Hermione. "Harry! Harry, are you here?" she called into the house.

Harry groaned and pulled a pillow over his head. After Draco had left the night before, he had drank pretty damn near an entire bottle of firewhisky before dragging himself up to bed and passing out. He had woken up long enough this morning to inform his boss that he was taking a leave of absence, effective immediately. He had a feeling he was going to get fired, but he couldn't find it in himself to care at the moment. "Oh, Harry, what happened?" Hermione asked sympathetically from his doorway.

Harry pulled the pillow off his head and glared at his friend. "Don't want to talk. Head is pounding. Probably gonna throw up," he grumbled.

Hermione sighed and disappeared. She appeared again a moment later with a few vials of potion. She handed him them one by one which he dutifully swallowed. After all of the potions kicked in, Harry started to feel a bit better physically. "Harry, what's going on? Everyone at the Ministry is all up in arms because you apparently quit without notice."

Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I didn't quit, I just said I was taking a leave of absence. If they fire me, then so be it."

"Did something happen last night? I thought you weren't going to drink like this anymore," Hermione reprimanded with a concerned look on her face.

Harry sighed. "Draco came over last night," Harry began and then proceeded to tell Hermione all about the terrible end to the evening.

Hermione pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back while he cried. As Harry cried, he found himself lost in memories of Draco and him together. There was one in particular that kept replaying in his head, despite his best efforts to stop it.

 _Harry was over at Draco's flat, picking him up for a date. The two had been seeing each other for several months at this point, and things were going incredibly well. "Draco, you almost ready?" Harry called as he looked around his boyfriend's bedroom. Draco was in the bathroom still getting ready._

" _Yeah, I'll be out in a minute," Draco called back._

 _Harry continued to look around curiously. They very rarely spent any time at Draco's flat because Harry's place was bigger. When he was at Draco's, he felt like he was getting a glimpse into the real Draco. Harry found himself staring at something sticking out of the closet that looked awfully familiar. He made his way over to the closet and smirked in amusement. Hanging in Draco's closet was Harry's old Gryffindor scarf that he must have left there one of the very first times the two had shagged. "What are you doing?" Draco asked from the door to the bathroom._

 _Harry jumped slightly, startled by Draco's sudden appearance. "You stole my scarf," he accused playfully._

" _I did not! You left it here, and I just...kept it," Draco responded indignantly._

 _Harry laughed. "I must have left this here like what? The third time we shagged? Why'd you keep it?" he asked out of curiosity._

 _Draco flushed slightly. "Because even then, I knew I'd want something to remember you by. Whether this grew into more than just a good fuck every once in awhile, which if I'm being honest I had hoped it would even back then, even if I couldn't admit it, or if eventually you just got bored and stopped coming around, I knew that I'd always cherish our time together," he responded. "Merlin, that came out far cheesier than I intended."_

 _Harry smiled and pulled Draco in for a kiss. "You had a crush on me so you stole my scarf, my Gryffindor scarf," he teased._

 _Draco mock glared at him. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. You had a crush on me too," he retorted, sticking out his tongue childishly._

 _Harry simply smiled before leaning forward and pulling Draco's tongue into his mouth. After a brief but passionate kiss, Harry pulled away to look his boyfriend in the eye. "I love you, Draco Malfoy," he whispered, not taking his eyes off the other man. He had never said it before, and he could feel his heart speed up in apprehension of what Draco's reaction would be._

 _The blond man in front of him hesitated for half a second before leaning down to place a chaste kiss on his lips. "I love you too, Harry Potter," he muttered, his lips brushing Harry's with every syllable._

 _Harry pulled Draco closer to him to him, smiling against the blond man's lips. He deepened the kiss as he slowly directed Draco backward towards the bed. When the back of his lover's knees hit the bed, he gently pushed Draco down onto the bed before crawling on top of him. Draco smiled up at him, eyes twinkling with genuine happiness. "I thought we were going out to dinner," he drawled with his trademark smirk._

 _Harry returned the smile and ground his hips slowly against the man underneath him. "Dinner can wait, don't you think?" he whispered seductively and nibbled on the blond's ear lobe._

 _Draco moaned and arched his back to make more contact with Harry. "I suppose dinner can wait," he said somewhat breathlessly as Harry continued his ministrations on Draco's ear before trailing down to his neck._

 _After they finished making love, the couple laid entwined on Draco's bed. "I spent 20 bloody minutes on my hair and now look at it, Potter," Draco whined._

 _Harry couldn't help the laugh that escaped him as he briefly kissed Draco on the cheek. "Well, I for one think you look incredibly sexy," Harry responded._

 _Draco huffed in a mixture of embarrassment and exasperation. "Well I'm not going out in public like this," he informed Harry haughtily._

 _Harry rolled his eyes. "Then how about we stay in, and I cook you dinner," he suggested, slowly sitting up in bed._

 _And that is the story of how Harry Potter ended up cooking dinner with Draco Malfoy in nothing but his boxers and a Gryffindor scarf, a Gryffindor scarf that was presumably still at Draco's flat._

After what felt like an eternity, Harry managed to pull himself together. He sat up straight and brushed the stray tears off his face. "Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry," Hermione murmured sympathetically.

Harry just shook his head. "I'll be fine. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up," he snapped miserably.

"Things will get better, I promise. It just seems bad now because last night is so fresh, but it was getting better before then, right?" Hermione asked optimistically.

"Yeah, you're right, as always. I may just need a few days to wallow. It hurts, 'Mione, it really hurts," Harry whispered forlornly.

"I know, Harry, I know, but Ron and I are here for you whenever you're done wallowing," she reminded him gently, giving him another hug.

The pair of friends stayed like this for awhile until it was time for Hermione to head back to work. The moment that she was out of his house, Harry settled himself into his couch and drank himself into a stupor so that he didn't have to feel the pain of his broken heart any longer.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling or Taylor Swift so I own nothing but the plot :)

 **A/N:** Longer chapter than normal and definitely rated M!

 **Chapter 7**

 _And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to…_

It was a little over a month later when Harry really finally began to feel like himself again. He had allowed himself a couple days to wallow before pulling himself together. Hermione had smoothed things over at the Ministry for him, and he had forced himself to go back to work after just a few days off. He had returned to his distraction regimen of running every day after work and spending more time with Ron and Hermione. He had even made an effort to catch up with some of his old Hogwarts friends like Dean, Seamus, and Neville.

That night a bunch of them were getting together at a new club near Diagon Alley. Harry wasn't sure that it would really be his scene, but it definitely beat staying at home by himself. Plus, he was pretty sure part of the purpose of the night was to cheer him up. At this point all of his friends were aware of the fact that he had been through a rough break-up, but they all made an effort not to bring it up. He hadn't told anyone else who he had been dating, and fortunately no one asked.

Harry glanced in the mirror at his reflection. He was wearing a simple green button down shirt and his favorite pair of dark jeans. His hair was a mess as always, but he had managed to make it look almost artfully tousled instead of completely out of control. Seamus had made comments about finding Harry a man that night so he figured he should at least make an effort to appease his friends. He had no interest in dating at this point, but he could pretend if it made his friends happy. He sighed once before making his way downstairs. He prepared to Apparate when he paused and thought better of it. He poured himself two shots of firewhisky and downed them quickly. A little liquid courage couldn't hurt.

When Harry arrived at the club, he looked around for any of his friends but didn't see them. He made his way to the bar and ordered himself a shot. He drank it quickly and ordered a pint. He turned and leaned his back against the bar, surveying the club. It was starting to fill up quickly, people starting to drift to the dancefloor. Out of habit, Harry surveyed the crowd for any fit, blond men that might be interested in him.

As he continued to observe the other patrons, Ron and Hermione arrived with Ginny in tow. He and Ginny had kept in touch over the years, but he didn't see her often due to her professional Quidditch career. After the war, when Harry had finally had time to contemplate his love life and realized he was gay, he had confessed to Ginny immediately so that she didn't expect their relationship to start up again. She had given him a small, knowing smile and informed him that she had had her suspicions for awhile. Harry had laughed and hugged her, happy that they could still be friends.

Dean and Seamus arrived a few minutes later, boisterously greeting the group and immediately ordering a round of shots. Harry took his quickly and threw an arm around both of his friends. "You two are in good spirits. Any particular reason?" he asked, as the couple ordered another round of shots.

The pair looked at each other before Seamus answered enthusiastically, "Now that you mention it, Harry, there is! I asked Dean here to marry me, and he said yes!"

Harry couldn't help the pang of jealousy he felt. He quickly pasted a wide smile on his face. "Congrats, guys!" Harry exclaimed, downing the next shot that was offered him. There were multiple congratulations shouted and hugs all around.

The next couple of hours passed in much the same way. There were many more shots ordered and plenty of friendly chatter. It was around 11 o'clock that evening when someone caught Harry's eye on the dancefloor. There was a gorgeous blond man dancing with his back towards Harry. The way he moved was so graceful that Harry couldn't seem to take his eyes off the other man. He knew he shouldn't be staring at the man who was most likely straight, but he was pretty pissed at this point in the night and couldn't seem to help it. It wasn't until the man turned to the side to say something to one of his friends that he realized it was Draco. His heart constricted painfully. He had done his best to avoid thinking about his ex, but now that he was in front of him, Harry was having a hard time remember why.

Hermione sidled up to Harry and murmured in his ear, "Are you okay?"

Harry jumped slightly, turning so that his back was to Draco. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks, 'Mione."

Hermione gave him a skeptical look. "Hey, Ginny. Why don't you take Harry out on the dancefloor? He seems like he's had enough to drink to want to dance," she suggested with a smirk. Harry narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion. "I saw the look in your eyes. He hurt you, Harry. It's not a good idea, no matter how drunk you are," she whispered to him as she made her way back to her husband.

Harry sighed in resignation. He knew Hermione was right, but that didn't mean his drunk mind appreciated her intervention. Ginny laughed at Hermione's comment. "Great idea! I look damn good, and I deserve a dance with a hot guy, even if he is as gay as they come," she teased before grabbing his friends and pulling Harry onto the dancefloor.

Harry chuckled at her response and allowed himself to be led out to dance. There was a small part of him that was hoping that Draco would see him and maybe even get a little jealous. With that in mind, Harry pulled Ginny close, her back pressed against his front and began to move with the music. The pair continued to dance in this manner for awhile, Ginny's movements getting more exaggerated as men started to take notice of her. Harry couldn't help but smile, happy the attention was on her and not him. That was until he felt someone's eyes on him. He looked up and wasn't surprised in the least that his eyes met a grey, calculating stare. He wasn't sure exactly what possessed him to do what he did next, but it was as if that stare put him in a trance. "Just because I'm gay, doesn't mean I don't appreciate a warm body against mine," he whispered in Ginny's ear, wrapping an arm around her waist and nibbling on her ear lobe.

Ginny gasped in surprise. "Harry James Potter!" she shrieked, the music drowning her voice out so those around couldn't hear. "What do you think you're playing at?" she teased as she turned around and smacked him playfully.

Harry grinned at her and rolled his hips against her. He leaned close to her ear once more. "Sorry, Gin. I'm a little drunk and just saw the ex," he admitted.

Ginny nodded in understanding. "Well in that case," she murmured before writhing seductively against his front, wrapping her arms around his neck, and pulling his head down to hers. Before Harry knew what was happening, the pair were completely pressed against each other and making out in the middle of the dancefloor. There was a slight commotion in front of and to the right of them, making Harry open his eyes slightly. He opened them just in time to see Draco stalk off of the dancefloor, and he couldn't help but smirk against Ginny's lips. She pulled back to ask, "I take it he saw us?"

"Just stalked off towards the bar," Harry answered with a gleeful nod. "Thanks, Gin."

"Anytime, Harry," she assured, dropping a kiss on his cheek. "Now I'm going to go find that sexy brunette that was eyefucking me earlier."

Harry laughed and wished her good luck, making his way to the bar for another shot. One shot turned into three before Harry realized just how drunk he had managed to get and decided he needed some water and some fresh air. He maneuvered his way through the crowd to the back door so that he could step outside in an attempt to sober up a little bit. The minute the cool night air hit his face, he felt slightly better, until he realized who else was out in the deserted alley with him.

Draco's back was to him, and he didn't turn around to see who had joined him outside. He was leaning with his side against the wall of the building and holding what looked to be a cigarette in his right hand. Deep down Harry knew he should just turn around and head back inside, but he couldn't help it. With the amount of alcohol flowing through his system, he couldn't seem to think of one reason not to say something to the other man. "I didn't know you smoked," Harry stated, announcing his presence.

Draco jumped slightly but slowly turned around. His eyes were bloodshot, which Harry assumed was due to alcohol, until he saw subtle tear tracks reflecting the light from the streetlamp above his head. Draco stared at him for a few moments, not moving or saying a word. Eventually he shrugged slightly and snapped, "What do you want, Potter?"

"Back to Potter is it?" Harry asked with a pout, moving towards the other man. "I have to admit that hurts, Draco."

Draco looked as if he was contemplating moving away from Harry but stood his ground. "What do you want?" he repeated with less bite this time around.

"Just to talk," Harry said innocently.

Draco sighed in response. He took a long drag on his cigarette and offered it to Harry. Draco exhaled slowly, his eyes closed. When Harry didn't take it from him, Draco shrugged once again and took another drag. This time, Harry closed the gap between them, whispering, "I prefer to do it this way," before capturing Draco's lips with his own and inhaling the smoke that Draco exhaled in a surprised huff. Harry broke away briefly to exhale as well before pulling Draco back to him in a passionate, desperate kiss. For a slight moment, Harry was afraid that the other man wasn't going to respond. He was about to pull away when he felt Draco's mouth open under his, inviting Harry's tongue into his mouth. Harry didn't need any more encouragement than that and happily slid his tongue against Draco's, moaning softly at the contact.

The moan seemed to break Draco out of his trance, and he pulled away quickly, shoving Harry away from him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, Potter?" he spat vehemently. "Go find your ginger bint, and leave me the fuck alone."

Harry rubbed his arm, trying to ease the pain that had blossomed when he hit the wall of the club after Draco pushed him. He opened his mouth to snap back, but he stopped himself. "Aw, Draco, don't be like that. You don't need to be jealous of Ginny," he singsonged.

Draco glared at him. "I'm not jealous. I don't give a fuck who you decide to stick your dick in," he informed him coolly.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm not shagging Ginny. I'm not shagging anyone, in fact. You're the only one I want," he purred, closing the gap between them once again.

Harry stopped right in front of Draco, their lips mere centimeters apart and his arms loosely wrapped around the other man's neck. He smirked slightly as he saw Draco's eyes drift to his lips. A moment later, Draco closed the gap between them, and they were snogging once again. Harry pressed himself against Draco, rolling his hips against the gorgeous blond man. Draco moaned slightly at the contact, emboldening Harry. He pulled back from the kiss and began kissing down Draco's neck, sucking and nibbling his way to his collarbone. Draco tilted his head to give him better access and continued to moan as Harry slid his hand down to the button on Draco's jeans. Draco pulled back abruptly at the contact, and Harry felt his heart sink. He had pushed the other man too far once again.

"My place or yours?" Draco breathed, much to Harry's surprise. As Harry contemplated what the answer should be, Draco took advantage of his pause and began sucking on his pulse point, hands cupping Harry's burgeoning erection.

Harry responded with a noise that most closely resembled, "Nngh."

Draco chuckled to himself, and the next thing Harry knew he was in Draco's bedroom. He was suddenly thrown onto the bed behind him, and Draco crawled on top of him, capturing Harry's lips with his own and rocking his hips against Harry's. "Fuck, Draco," Harry groaned, arching his back to try and get more friction. "Need you."

Draco growled in response as he pulled Harry's shirt over his head and got straight to work on his belt. He fumbled for a moment before whipping out his wand and flicking it, rending them both naked. Harry's eyes flew to Draco's in surprise and watched as the other man leaned down to pepper kisses on his lower abdomen and inner thighs. He was teasing him, and Harry couldn't take much more of it. "Draco, please," he begged.

Harry watched as Draco smirked and finally took Harry's erection into his mouth. Harry moaned, loving the feeling of his hot, wet mouth on his cock. As Harry lost himself in the pleasure, he didn't even realize that Draco had cast a lubricating spell on his fingers until one of them breached the tight ring of muscle of Harry's entrance. It wasn't long before another finger was added, stretching Harry and brushing against his prostate. "Hurry," he pressed, feeling his arousal steadily building.

Draco added another finger and pumped them in and out quickly as he continued to tease Harry's erection with his mouth. After another moment, Draco pulled both his fingers and mouth away, a whimper escaping Harry's mouth before he could stop it. He didn't need to worry, however, because the next sensation he felt was that of Draco's dick slowly sliding into him where his fingers had been a moment ago. Harry heard Draco's breathing hitch as he sheathed himself fully inside of the brunette man beneath him. He gave Harry a moment to adjust before beginning to thrust enthusiastically, pulling Harry to him for a kiss.

All Harry could feel was Draco, all around him, inside him, and he couldn't be happier about it. He keened as Draco shifted his angle to brush his prostate and began stroking Harry's erection with his hand simultaneously. He was so close to his orgasm, but he didn't really want this feeling to end. "So hot, so tight, Merlin, Harry, so good," Draco mumbled breathlessly in Harry's ear. The desperation that tinged Draco's words along with the words themselves were what tipped Harry over the edge. He felt the heat low in his belly explode in an intense feeling as he moaned Draco's name and covered the blond man's hand with his cum. Draco followed a moment later, collapsing on top of Harry. He reached for his wand and cast a quick cleaning spell. A moment later, they were both fast asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling or Taylor Swift so I own nothing but the plot :)

 **A/N:** Second to last chapter! Thanks to everyone who's stuck around this long!

 **Chapter 8**

 _And I know it's long gone, and that magic's not here no more, and I might be okay, but I'm not fine at all._

When Harry woke up the next morning he was momentarily confused as to where he was. He knew immediately that he wasn't at home, and he realized soon after that he wasn't alone. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that when he opened them he would be where he was supposed to be, but unfortunately that was not the case. He reached over to the bedside table and felt around for his glasses. Once they were on and he could see better, he turned slowly to face his bedmate. He didn't need to look further than the shock of white, blond hair on the pillow next to him to realize that he was at Draco's. He groaned inwardly as flashes of the night before came back to him. What the bloody hell had he been thinking? They were broken up, and Draco didn't want him. He shouldn't be here, but he also felt strange leaving before Draco woke up. He chewed his bottom lip before deciding that it was the best for everyone to just get out before he had to face Draco. He was sure the other man had been just as intoxicated as Harry the night before and wouldn't want to deal with the consequences.

Harry glanced at the sleeping man one more time before summoning his clothes and Apparating directly to his flat, not even bothering to get dressed first. He didn't want to risk Draco waking up before he could leave. Unfortunately for Harry, Hermione was waiting for him in his living room and squeaked in embarrassment when he appeared. Harry felt his eyes widen in shock as he quickly scurried into the other room to get dressed. He emerged a moment later, sure his face was just as red as Hermione's was.

"Erm, hey, 'Mione. Sorry about that," he mumbled awkwardly, wrapping his arms around himself.

"No, no. My fault. Sorry," she squeaked back.

After a minute of incredibly tense silence, Harry cleared his throat. "So what can I do for you, Hermione?" he asked as cheerfully as he could muster. All he wanted to do was take a hangover potion and go back to bed. Now that he had been awake for awhile and was out of Draco's flat, he was conscious of the constant throbbing headache he had as result from his excessive drinking the night before.

"I was just coming to make sure you were okay. You just disappeared last night," Hermione explained cautiously. "I wasn't here long. When I realized that you weren't here, I wasn't sure what to do."

"Well, I'm fine. Thanks for checking on me," Harry responded with a weak smile.

Hermione nodded but didn't look convinced. "I know this really isn't any of my business, but where were you last night?"

Harry gave her a look that he hoped conveyed that it was most certainly none of her business, but she didn't back down. Harry sighed in defeat. "I went home with Draco," he whispered, knowing he was in for a lecture.

"Oh, Harry," Hermione moaned sympathetically.

"I know! I don't know how it happened. I was just so pissed, and he looked so good. I went outside to get some air, and he was out there smoking a cigarette. I think he had been crying. He was definitely jealous of Ginny, and I don't know it just happened," Harry rambled.

"Did you shag?" she inquired.

Harry gave her an incredulous look. "No, 'Mione. I went over to his flat completely pissed and we just cuddled all night," Harry snapped sarcastically. He really didn't want to talk about this anymore.

Hermione gave him a reprimanding look but didn't comment. "I can tell that you would like to be alone right now. I'll be over later to talk when you're in a better mood," she suggested.

Harry nodded in agreement and gave her a hug. "Sorry I snapped. I just need some sleep," he apologized, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

Hermione gave him a small smile before turning and making her way to the Floo.

When Harry woke up a few hours later, he felt much better. His headache had completely gone away, and he was starving which was a good sign. That all changed when he saw the owl sitting on his windowsill, pecking on the window. Harry tensed and his stomach flipped when he realized it was Draco's owl. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He should have anticipated Draco reaching out to him.

Harry let the owl in, took his letter, and gave the owl a treat, sending it on its way. He thought about just burning the letter, but he couldn't bring himself to do that to Draco. He may be hurt, but he still cared about him. And he could admit that last night was completely Harry's fault. He had made the first move and continued to press even when Draco tried to stop it.

 _Harry,_ (Harry winced at the lack of salutation)

 _Can we talk about what happened last night? I thought we'd have a chance this morning. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I woke up alone. Your place tomorrow at 7?_

 _Draco_

Harry sighed once again. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Draco wasn't happy with him, and he couldn't really blame him. Last night had been a mistake, and he knew he should agree to talk to Draco about it. He just really didn't want to. He set the letter on his bedside table to deal with at a later time and made his way downstairs to make some food.

Harry was just finishing up his meal when Hermione came through the Floo once again. "Feeling better?" she greeted cheerfully with a suspicious grin on her face.

Harry nodded, narrowing his eyes in question. She was up to something. "What are you so happy about?" he asked, keeping his voice light.

Hermione blushed slightly before answering, "Well, I was going to lead up to this more slowly, but I'm just too excited. I've found you a date for tomorrow night!"

Harry felt the blood drain from his face. "Oh, erm, that's um...really thoughtful of you, Hermione, but I don't think I'm ready to date just yet," Harry muttered as coherently as he could manage in his shock.

"Well that's just too bad. It's all set up. You are meeting him at a restaurant in Muggle London at 7 o'clock tomorrow evening," Hermione informed him matter-of-factly.

"I'm actually supposed to meet Draco tomorrow at 7 to discuss last night," Harry began cautiously.

"Well tell him you have to reschedule. Honestly, Harry, hasn't he hurt you enough?" she demanded.

Harry gave her a pleading look to drop it. "I get where you're coming from, but he deserves an explanation if he wants one. Last night was completely on me," he responded.

"I don't care. It takes two to fuck, Harry," she reminded him.

Harry's eyes went wide as a result of how vulgar she was being. He sighed and resigned himself to the fact that he wasn't going to get out of this. "Who's the bloke?" he asked in defeat.

"His name is Liam; he works in my department. He's gorgeous, has the prettiest blue eyes, and he's been single for a couple months now. He's looking for a real relationship. He's really excited to meet you!" Hermione gushed.

Harry grimaced. "Aren't they all?" he said bitterly.

"That's the best part, Harry! I told him it was a blind date so he doesn't even know it's you!" she exclaimed.

Harry relaxed slightly at this but not completely. "It's not as if no one knows that we're friends. It doesn't take a genius to figure out I'm a pretty likely candidate. How many gay wizards could you possible know?" he pointed out.

Hermione sighed. "Don't be so cynical! I think you'll really like him. Just please meet him, and if you have a horrible time I'll leave it alone for awhile," she promised.

"Fine, fine. I should probably owl Draco and let him know I'm not free tomorrow," Harry said as he made his way upstairs to do just that. He heard Hermione's footsteps following him up the stairs.

"You should tell him you can't come because you have a date," Hermione suggested, a tinge of bitterness entering her voice.

Harry turned to gape at her. "That seems a little cruel, don't you think?"

Hermione shrugged. "After seeing the state you were in last time you talked to him I think he deserves it," she informed him, referring to the night Draco had showed up and got Harry's hopes up just to tell him that their relationship wasn't worth risking a negative reaction from the public.

Harry felt a pang in his heart at the memory. "You know what? Maybe you're right," he agreed fiercely, sitting down at his desk to pen a quick note to Draco.

 _Draco,_

 _Can't make it tomorrow, I have a date._

 _Harry_

There, that would show him how much he didn't need the self-centered bastard. Hermione beamed at him as he sent the owl. She filled him in on the rest of the details for the next night before heading home once again.

Awhile after Hermione left, the regret began to creep in. He shouldn't have sent that owl to Draco. He knew if Draco had done something similar to him it would hurt, especially the day after they slept together. Sure, Draco had hurt him, but Harry still cared for him, loved him even if he was being honest. Harry decided that after everything that had happened today, he deserved a drink.

After he had downed his first two shots of firewhisky, Harry began to feel a little better, until he heard the telltale tap of an owl at the window. He didn't need to look to know it was from Draco. He opened the window to get the letter and was promptly pecked sharply on the hand by the owl. Harry squawked in surprise and pain, grabbing the letter quickly and sending the owl on his way. He unrolled the letter and felt his heart constrict.

 _Just leave me alone. Please._

It wasn't signed, but it didn't need to be. Harry knew exactly who it was from, and it was worse than he expected. Anger he could deal with, but a polite request to leave him alone wasn't what Harry anticipated. The obvious hurt in his words broke Harry's heart all over again. He closed his eyes, inwardly beating himself up all over again for what happened the night before. When he opened his eyes once again, there were wet spots on the letter that he still held in his hands and tears rolling slowly down his cheeks.

Just as Harry had suspected, his date had gone terribly. Hermione had been right about one thing: Liam had had no idea that it was Harry with whom he had been set up. Unfortunately, the minute he realized that he was on a date with a _celebrity,_ the man had fallen to pieces. He had turned red and stuttered every time that Harry had asked him a question. Even after a couple glasses of wine, Liam couldn't form a coherent sentence, and Harry had ended the date as soon as humanly possible without sneaking out the bathroom window. He had immediately Apparated to Ron and Hermione's to inform his friend that he would not be going on any blind dates in the near future. She had attempted to talk to him about what had gone wrong, but he hadn't been in the mood.

Instead, Harry made his way home and started drinking. It wasn't the healthiest response that he could have had, but he figured he deserved it. After the other night with Draco and his disastrous date, Harry just wanted a way to forget about it all. It was a shame that his date had gone so poorly. Even though he hadn't really wanted to go on the date, a part of him was hoping it would go well. There was still a large part of him that wasn't ready to move on and wanted Draco back, but he was pretty sure that was out of the question at this point. He had fucked it up irreparably, and it was time he faced his bleak future of terrible, awkward dates and shagging Muggles when he needed company for the night. If that was the future that he had to face, then he was damn sure going to face it with several shots of firewhisky.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I am not J.K. Rowling or Taylor Swift so I own nothing but the plot :)

 **A/N:** This is the end! Thanks for sticking with it! Let me know what you thought.

 **Chapter 9**

 _But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me. You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well._

The following weekend, Harry decided that it would be best for everyone if he spent his time holed up in his house. Ron and Hermione had invited him out to a pub, but he had declined. After their night out last weekend, he thought maybe he should take some time to himself. He was just finishing up making dinner when he heard a knock on the door. He froze for a moment and felt his heart speed up. The last time someone had knocked on his door was when Draco had showed up out of the blue. None of his friends bothered with knocking. Surely, it couldn't be him. He had asked that Harry leave him alone, but that didn't stop Harry from hoping that it was.

Harry took a deep, calming breath before slowly opening the door. His heart skipped a beat when he saw that it was indeed Draco standing on his porch. A smile started to form on his lips until he realized what his former lover was holding. It was his Gryffindor scarf. Harry felt the smile slide off his face and his heart drop into his stomach. Draco wasn't here because he wanted to be; he was here because he was finally ridding himself of everything that was Harry's. This was it: Draco was walking out of his life for good.

"Hi," Draco greeted with a small smile.

Harry swallowed his emotions and attempted to smile back. He had a feeling it turned out closer to a grimace of pain. "Hi," he replied quietly.

"Can we...talk?" Draco requested hesitantly. "If you're busy, I can come back another time."

"No, no, it's fine. Come in," Harry assured him hastily, his mind flashing back to the letter he had written Draco the previous week.

"Thanks," Draco responded politely, stepping into the entryway.

After several awkward minutes of Harry trying desperately to come up with an excuse to avoid what he figured was the inevitable, Draco cleared his throat cautiously. "So I'm not sure how to say this," he began.

Harry cut him off. "Then don't," he choked out, tears welling in his eyes. "I know that I fucked up the other night and then the next day with the letter. I'm so sorry, but please don't do this."

Draco was silent for a minute before whispering, "What do you think I'm going to say?"

Harry felt the first few tears rolls down his cheeks. He didn't even bother brushing them away. "You're going to give me back the scarf and tell me you never want to see me again," he choked out.

"Oh, Harry," Draco breathed sadly. "That's not why I'm here." He took a step towards Harry hesitantly, as if he was afraid that Harry would move away. When he didn't, Draco reached out and began wiping his tears away gently.

Harry closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. "Then why are you here? And why'd you bring the scarf?" he asked in confusion.

"Let's go sit down first," Draco suggested.

Harry nodded in agreement and followed the blond man into his living room. They both sat down on the couch, and Draco turned so he was facing Harry. He was gnawing on his bottom lip and absentmindedly fiddling with the scarf in his hands. "Hey," Harry said softly, putting his hand on top of one of Draco's. "What is it?"

Draco took a deep breath. "I brought the scarf here as a reminder. Everytime I see this, I remember that first time you told me you loved me. I almost burned it when I got your letter the other day." Harry winced at this. "But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I love you just as much as I did that day, if not more. I realized I've been an idiot. I'm so sorry that I said you weren't worth it. You are. I'd get hexed every day if it meant I could come home to you every night, wake up next to you every morning. I love you, Harry James Potter, and I can't ignore it anymore."

The tears were back, but this time Draco was crying along with Harry. Harry wasn't quite sure what to say, and even if he did know he was quite positive he couldn't speak. He moved closer to Draco and buried his head in the crook of Draco's neck. The ex-Slytherin wrapped his arms around him and dropped a kiss to his forehead. The pair stayed like this for a minute before Harry pulled back to look at the man in front of him. "So what exactly does this mean?" he asked, anxious about the response.

"It means that I want you back," Draco answered sincerely, his gaze locked with Harry's. "And I can prove I'm serious this time."

Harry cocked his head in question. He heart was pounding in his chest, but he was trying to keep his hopes in check. "How?" It was all he could manage.

Draco pulled a piece of paper out from the folds of the scarf and passed it slowly to Harry, biting his lip nervously once again. "If you agree, this will run front page of _The Quibbler_ tomorrow, unless Luna can find a way to sell it the _The Prophet,_ " he said, keeping the emotion out of his voice.

Harry raised an eyebrow in question and slowly took the paper from Draco's hand. It was a mock-up of a front page of a newspaper with the headline "The Boy Who Loved: Harry Potter Settles Down At Last." The story underneath it was a quick synopsis of their relationship to date side-by-side with a picture that Harry had taken shortly before they broke up. It gave enough detail to satisfy the public's curiosity, but not too much that Harry felt his privacy was being invaded. There was no mention of the war or their Hogwarts days.

When Harry came to the end of the article, he looked up at Draco, shocked. "Are you serious about this?" he asked.

Draco nodded. "Luna already has several thousand copies printed. So, Mr. Potter, will you be my boyfriend...again?" he asked with a shy smile.

Harry couldn't help the grin that formed on his face. "Yes," was all he said before pulling Draco into a passionate kiss, leaning backwards so that Draco was lying on top of him. He pulled back slightly. "I love you. Merlin, I love you so much. Are you sure you're okay with this?"

Draco closed the gap between their mouths once again before trailing kisses down Harry's jaw and over to his ear. "Yes. I don't care what happens tomorrow after this comes out. You're worth it, Harry, and I'm so sorry I ever said you weren't," he said, nibbling on Harry's ear.

Harry moaned at the feeling and pushed his hips up to meet Draco's. "I think I know a way that you can make it up to me," he muttered seductively.

"Is that so?" Draco asked with a smirk before showing Harry that he knew exactly what could make it up to the brunette underneath him, kissing down his chest and slowly taking Harry's erection into his mouth.

An hour later, after they were both happy and sated, the pair laid entwined on the couch, still naked. Draco was lightly tracing circles on Harry's bare chest when he broke the comfortable silence between them. "So, I guess I should tell Luna to run the story," it came out as more of a question than a statement.

Harry smiled and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Yes. I think that's a wonderful idea," he answered. "And after that, I can take you to officially meet my friends." He said it playfully, expecting a scowl.

Draco surprised him by laughing and pulling him into a kiss. "I've spent the last almost 4 months without you. After that, I think I can handle anything, let alone a couple Gryffindors, especially if it means I get to have you."

And just like that, Harry Potter had everything he had ever wanted. Later, when they went to Ron and Hermione's to officially introduce his friends to his boyfriend, Harry made sure to memorize every detail, most of all how he was feeling in the moment, so that years later he could look back and remember it all too well. 


End file.
